(More specifically, the fear of driving.)

I think I have developed a serious fear of driving. Before, it was kind of funny to make fun of my misadventures and lack of driving skill, but now, it is hard to get into a car without feeling dread, or that persistent pounding that I haven’t experienced since. I don’t know. Forever.

I went to Fremont yesterday to see old friends, and I couldn’t help but notice every single bump, every single noise that seemed off, every single car that whizzed past me. It’s a good 40 minute drive and my heart was pounding like no other, till I thought it would explode.

I didn’t feel safe until I put the parking brake on in front of my house on the hill.

It’s not an unfounded fear, but it’s irrational, like all fear. I thought about this for a long time, about the hold fear has over our hearts, (and even bigger than that, sin,) and the tug of war that happens between our flesh and our spirit. How it’s a losing and winning battle at the same time. What it means to be free.